Self-Care

August 1, 2020 / Minds Like Ours / Leave a comment

People often confuse self-care with selfishness. I won’t lie, I used to be one of them.

I’ve always struggled with self-care. In fact, I still do even as an advocate. It’s always easier to give other people great advice on how to manage their self-care but when, in turn, we look at ourselves, we struggle to follow through with our own damn advice. Why? Well, sometimes we feel guilty ourselves for focusing on what’s best ONLY for us because we tend to associate it with selfishness, probably due to assholes telling us it is (eff them). Regardless, never feel guilty for needing a mental health day. Make time for yourself now because you won’t get that time back.

You see, starting with my own mindset was a big step in overcoming the intensive care I needed for myself. I had to shift my way of thinking, self-care is selfish – NO, it’s not. Our minds need rest and relaxation just as our bodies do. Do you want that delicious slice of cake? Or to buy yourself that really pretty necklace? GET IT, GIRL. It’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to sit in our emotions and feelings and stuff our face with chocolate while binge watching Shameless all day long in your pajamas. Why? Because YOU fucking deserve it.

We are all facing some sort of battle that nobody knows anything about – nobody needs to understand our reasons for or choices of self-care. That’s where I get trapped – I feel like I need to justify why I’m being “lazy”, I shouldn’t have to. Nobody should. Just be you and focus on what’s best for you.

Ask yourself, What makes me happy? Write a list down. Memorize the shit out of it. And when you face a moment of sadness, depression, ANY struggle, OR just because you feel like it – grab that list and choose what would be best for you. Here is a list of things on my self-care list:

Cuddle with my kids
Talk to my best friend
Write/blog about how I’m feeling
Go for a walk
Take a social media break
Take a long shower/bath
Stay home and miss an event with friends
Take the day off
Eat chocolate cake
Say no (take a step back)
Buy myself something
Deep clean my house (yes, this works for me)
Read a book about how I’m feeling
Set boundaries

Now, sometimes its incredibly tough to focus on self-care during your toughest times. When I’m in the midst of my depression and haven’t showered in a week or I forget to brush my teeth or I can’t cook a decent meal (if any at all) or I sleep too much (or not enough), I have a list of self-care tips I use to help me as well. I call them “my baby steps” – they have a HUGE impact and they matter. Below are some of my essential no bullshit tips:

Cant work up the energy to have a shower? Use dry shampoo for your hair, baby wipes for your skin, and put on deodorant – you’ll look and feel cleaner.

Too overwhelmed to get groceries or cook food? DoorDash it! or utilize the “pick up” feature at your nearest grocery store and order online. Don’t even need to get out of your car or pajamas!

Can’t sleep at night due to intrusive thoughts? Put on some calming music (I prefer piano or jazz), a sitcom (FRIENDS!!!), a podcast, or a guided meditation app, so you feel more comfortable.

Can’t work up the strength to brush your teeth? Use mouthwash or chew some gum – you’ll notice a difference!

Remember, feeling a “bit better” is the best thing you can do when you are in tough times. You’re a survivor, you’ve been here before and you’ll get through this again. Remember your list and keep moving forward.

Much love,

Kayla

Braving the Wilderness

November 24, 2018June 9, 2020 / Minds Like Ours / Leave a comment

I recently picked up a book off my shelf that had been sitting there collecting dust over the last six months. You see, I’m not an avid reader, albeit wishfully I was, therefore I buy all these books that I admire and read great reviews about, but I never read the actual book.

I’ve been going to therapy twice a month over the last four years and we often discuss different types of self-help or inspirational books and it feels as though every session I walk out thinking, ‘I need to read more – It will be good for me.’ So, why didn’t I pick up that book for all these months? I could come up with several different excuses, but who cares. Instead, I will share, over this beautiful four-day holiday weekend, I woke up feeling grateful, made some coffee, opened my window and listened to the rain, put on some piano peaceful music, grabbed my glasses, and that beautifully covered wilderness book off my dusty bookshelf. It is the perfect morning setup.

Let me just say, when I do read – I highlight my favorite quotes and inspirational sayings, and the more sticky notes you see on the side, means it was a damn good book. I will tell you, Braving the Wilderness is a damn good book. I’m a fan of Brené Brown and her writing/research. She’s truly inspirational. This book is about The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone. I want to share just a few of my favorites from this one and how it resonates with me:

“True Belonging – is a spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.”

“I don’t think there is anything lonelier than being with people and feeling alone.”

I rarely feel lonely, however, I am often alone. There is a big difference between the two. I hear people often say, “…but being alone is lonely.” Not necessarily. I value my alone time. If anything, I feel my loneliness most when I’m in a room surrounded with people. Why’s that? Well, I believe that maybe we don’t feel that connection to the people or the place we are at. At home, when I’m alone – I’m always connected. Connected to all my efforts, projects, memories, cleanliness, smells, music, and my kids. It’s my happy place. However, sometimes we may go someplace we’ve never been or meet new people for the first time – it’s likely the connection may not be there. We are humans, naturally, we want to feel connected, to something – anything. It’s inevitable.

“Loneliness tells us that we need social interaction-something as critical to our well-being as food and water.” yet, “…we feel shame around being lonely – as if it means there’s something wrong with us.”

There are times where I’ve felt lonely at an event full of people, but I cannot pinpoint why I feel that way as I am enjoying myself and having great conversations with family and friends. I’m aware of it at the moment. I don’t feel sad or ashamed of it – I just wonder why that is. If anything, I want to find a way to get connected. I use my awareness as an opportunity to find that connection so that if/when I may return – I will have the memories, the new friends, the sounds and smells I missed most from it in hopes that I will feel connected next time. Sometimes It doesn’t always work out that way though and that’s okay too. Do you ever feel this way?

“I will leave you with this. There will be times when standing alone feels too hard, too scary, and we’ll doubt our ability to make our way through the uncertainty. Someone, somewhere, will say, “Don’t do it. You don’t have what it takes to survive the wilderness.” This is when you reach deep into your wild heart and remind yourself, “I am the wilderness.”

Are we mindful enough of our Children’s Mental Health needs?

January 12, 2017 / Minds Like Ours / Leave a comment

Mental Health Writers' Guild

552-108

I am fairly confident that if I were (as I have below) to quote the lyrics of this popular Whitney Huston song, most folk would recognise them and a lot of you would even know what song it was part of.

I believe the children are our are future
Teach them well and let them lead the way
Show them all the beauty they possess inside
Give them a sense of pride to make it easier.

And indeed they are beautiful words and convey a beautiful message don’t they? But the question is, are they – is the message they convey – a reality for our children? Especially when it comes to their Mental Health? In fact – I would suggest – that even the song itself conveys a certain scepticism. Check out the next few lines for example…

Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be
Everybody…

View original post 699 more words

How I handled My Son’s Anxiety Attack

December 10, 2016December 10, 2016 / Minds Like Ours / 3 Comments

My seven year old son is in the first grade and struggles with anxiety. He is typically quiet and not the emotional type. He gets along with almost everyone and enjoys going to school.

A few months ago, I overslept and was running late taking the kids to school. I could sense a little panic in my son’s behavior but I didn’t think too much into it. When we arrived at their school ten minutes late, my son refused to get out of the car. I was running late for work myself and was in a rush to get the kids to their classrooms. I could see his scared face and body tense up so I parked my car and walked him up to his classroom.

Thirty minutes later, my son, his teacher, the principle and myself are sitting outside his classroom trying to get him to relax and walk into his classroom. I have never seen this side of him before. This was more than just being shy – this was an anxiety attack. I recognized his symptoms and behaviors and have seen them in myself. He wasn’t crying or throwing a tantrum or screaming because he just didn’t want to go to class. His body was shaking very badly, he just stood there moving his hands in front of his face back and forth, trying to breathe and work up the courage to walk into his classroom. Eventually, I was forced to leave and let the teachers handle the situation. I felt like utter shit walking away. (Worst. Parent. Ever.) I wanted to take him home and talk to him about what he was thinking and what his fears were. It was an extremely difficult moment for me, as a parent.

After this incident, I did my very best to leave the house early and always arrive a few minutes early so he could get to his class on time. Well, just last week we left the house at our usual early time and hit traffic. There was a horrible car accident and I knew we were going to be late for school. Because I was sitting in traffic, I had some time to come up with a plan to help my son face his fear. I kept quiet about the time and the fact that we were going to be late until he asked me in concern if we were going to be late. I said that we were and that I was going to be there by his side to help him get into his classroom.

Now, lets get back to this awesome plan. I had to make this as distracting and fun as possible. Sure, it may sound ridiculous but it was all I could come up with in such a short time. Right after he asked me if we were going to be late, I mentioned the movie Inside Out. I asked him to tell me the five emotions that the movie talked about: Fear, Disgust, Anger, Sadness and Joy he responded. I said, “Great! Right now, in this moment Fear is taking over all the other emotions in your mind and trying to stop you from going into your classroom. Lets tell Fear to step aside for a moment so you can handle this yourself. BUT – don’t tell him to go away!! We need Fear. We don’t want to hurt his feelings and never see him again. He’s an emotion we can’t and don’t necessarily want to get rid of.” My son laughed and said, “Okay mom.”. I looked in the rear view mirror and could see him in deep thought as if he was actually picturing the emotions in his head just like in the movie. It was cute.

Perhaps I went a little too far, but I was having fun with this scenario so I kept going:

Me: Korbin, tell me what Disgust is saying right now.
Korbin: I hope we don’t have carrots for lunch today! Gross!
Me: haha Great! Now what is Anger telling you?
Korbin: Stupid traffic! People need to learn how to drive better!
Me: No kidding! Now, what about Sadness?
Korbin: I hope everyone in the car accident is OK. (so sweet, right?! Gahh)
Me: I was thinking the same thing! Now, what about Joy?
Korbin: Ummm, Recess is going to so much fun!

“Awesome, now lets remember to tell Fear that it’s all going to be okay. I’ll be with you every step of the way”, I said. He seemed incredibly distracted at this point, so far my plan has been working. Of course, it helped that his big sister was very engaged as well.

We pull up to the school, I parked and walked my son to his classroom while trying to remain positive and discussing such Fear. Korbin was giggling and basically looking at me like I’m crazy (lets face it, I was.) It came down to the moment of drop off, and he started to tense up and shake. I got down on his level and looked him in the eyes and said, “What do we tell Fear?” He replies, “Step aside!” then he grabs the door handle and walks into his classroom – just. like. that.
Wow. It actually fucking worked.

How I explained my mental health condition to my kids

December 8, 2016March 21, 2017 / Minds Like Ours / 2 Comments

Should I talk to my child about my mental illness?

Many parents who experience living with a mental health condition will often wonder if they should open up and talk to their children about mental illness. I know, because I was one of them. Perhaps you’re one of those parents as well.

I believe it is common for parents to question whether or not they should open up and discuss such a taboo subject to their little ones. They may view it as, “bad” or “wrong”. But, I’m here to tell you that it’s not. My first thought when deciding to open up about my condition was, “they are not going to view their mother as being a strong woman, they will see this “sickness” as a “weakness.” However, through recovery I learned that having an illness does not make us weak. In fact, managing and expressing our emotions or episodes in a healthy way makes us remarkably strong. I want my children to understand that. I want them to see my resiliency. So I decided to open up about my mental health condition.

Communication is the utmost important thing, and I find it extremely difficult to live with mild to severe symptoms around my kids and NOT tell them why or what is going on. Although, I believe it is not a bad thing to be open about our struggles, it is still very important to understand HOW to explain those struggles and condition to our children. I’ve always said, emotions are never bad or wrong, but how you express those emotions can be determined as good or bad. The same applies here. Our struggles are neither, right or wrong – good or bad, but how our children view our reactions to these struggles can be determined as good or bad.

If you are a parent, then you already know how curious little ones can be. They will continuously ask “Why?” until they feel they have the information they need – but sometimes it still doesn’t stop there. I admire curiosity and encourage my kids to always ask “Why?”, when it is appropriate, of course. With that said, I had to be mentally prepared for a million questions when opening up to my oldest child about my condition. Not only that, but be completely educated on the subject of my condition as well. Below I list an example of several questions my kids asked me when I opened up to them about my mood disorder, this may give some people an idea of what to expect.

The first thing I openly discuss with my children is our emotions. I truly believe that our emotions drive our behavior. It helps to explain these more complex topics to children when an example can be made that will relate to them. For example, there is a popular Disney movie that my kids love called Inside Out. This movie emphasizes our emotions and how our mind works at a level our children can understand. Therefore, I often reference scenes from the movie to help explain my situation a little better. I’m allowing myself to get on their level to help them better understand the minds like ours.

My oldest is nine years old. She also struggles with her emotions like I do. After discussing the importance of emotions and how it drives our behaviors, she brilliantly decided to come up with a code word for the both of us to use when we are struggling. I let her pick the word – “Congruent”. With the understanding that when this code word is said, we would stop what we are doing and take a deep breath. Collect our thoughts and emotions for a moment, then calmly discuss our feelings with one another before things escalate. For me, an example would be – receiving a triggering email from someone. Instead of having a breakdown or start screaming at my computer over it – I take a deep breath, look at my kids and simply explain the following: Mommy just received a rough email regarding something I need to work on and it has upset me a little. I am going to put my headphones in for a moment and take a few minutes to myself to collect my thoughts. This usually results with a response from my daughter, “Okay mommy, we’ve turned the TV down a bit so you can focus. It will be okay. I love you.” (Best.Kid.Ever, right?!)

The second thing I openly discuss with my children is the frequency and inconsistency of my mood swings and what I do to help myself through difficult times. My kids know that I attend therapy and take medications to help regulate my emotions, they may not understand the full extent of these things but they don’t need to at this age, in my opinion. With our code word in place, I explained that using the code word will help me tremendously, thus giving her the understanding that she plays a huge role in helping me feel better. I lightly discuss my coping skills such as putting my headphones in, listening to music, going for a walk, writing, or just having cuddles in bed with them. With this, they can see that I’m handling my intense emotions in a healthy way.

Inclusion is important. I want my kids to feel as though they are apart of something that I know will be helpful for them. After I openly discuss my mood disorder, I ask my kids if they have any questions. I encourage them to open up to me about what they are thinking and how they are feeling on the topic while reassuring them that they are in a safe space with no judgements. After answering any questions they may have for me, I turn the conversation around a bit and ask them what I, “Mommy”, can do for them when they are going through a tough time. This allows me to understand their needs as well. It goes both ways and it’s extremely important to understand that as a parent.

For me personally, I tried to answer their questions to the best of my ability. I think it’s important to not overload their brains with too much information regarding a complex subject. Here are a few questions my children asked me when I opened up to them about my mental health condition:

Questions	My personal responses
Why do you feel sad though?	Sometimes I feel sad when I see something that brings up a bad memory. Or when someone says something that hurts my feelings.
Why are you not happy when you’re around us – don’t we cheer you up?	You absolutely do cheer me up and make me very happy. Sometimes things on TV or my phone can put me in a bad mood and that doesn’t have anything to do with you. Spending time with you and cuddling up with you is very helpful for me.
What kind of things do you talk about in therapy?	I talk about emotions, work, school and set some personal goals for myself. My therapist likes to help me achieve these goals.
Being alone is lonely, can’t we just all play together?	Being alone and being lonely are two completely different things. I enjoy being alone. It helps me to collect my thoughts and think clearly. I rarely ever feel lonely. After I collect my thoughts, I would absolutely love to play a game together.
Do we stress you out?	Being a parent has its stressful moments but in general, no – you do not stress me out. If anything, you help me in many ways you don’t ever realize.
Do I have a mental illness?	I don’t believe so, no. Not everyone has a mental illness.
Should I go to therapy too?	I don’t see the need for you to go, however if that’s something you would like to look into then I will fully support that decision.
Daddy gets sad sometimes, should he go to therapy too?	Therapy doesn’t work for everyone. If daddy has a great support system (which it sounds like he does) then he may not want or need to go to therapy and that’s perfectly OK.
Is this a secret? Do other people know about this?	It’s absolutely not a secret. The people I am closest with do know about my mood swings. I prefer to discuss it with people if it’s necessary but i’m not ashamed of the struggles I face.
Are you getting better?	With my friends, family, support systems like therapy, and YOU – I am getting better.
Why do you have to take medicine for it?	I don’t have to take medicine for it, but I choose to because it helps make my moods or emotions less intense. Medicine doesn’t make my emotions go away but they are just there to help keep me a little balanced.

Since explaining my mental health condition with my kids, I have noticed an increase in comfortability when discussing their emotions and feelings with me. I’m surprised by their new level of emotional intelligence and how well they are handling this condition I live with. Overall, it definitely brought us closer together as a family.

How are you?

July 12, 2016July 12, 2016 / Minds Like Ours / 8 Comments

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU ASKED SOMEONE HOW THEY WERE DOING? DID YOU GENUINELY MEAN IT? DID YOU TAKE THE TIME TO LISTEN?

Many may not realize that in the moments of battling a mental illness (or any illness), these three words can make a huge impact on the day of the minds like ours (yes, I had to throw that in there). One year ago I made a commitment to myself to be sure to ask those around me how they are doing, at least one person – every.single.day. Strangers, friends, family members, and coworkers. However, it’s important to not only ask the question but to mean it genuinely. LISTEN. Watch their body language, their facial expressions, their words, their tone. It says it all.

The reactions I receive when asking this question are somewhat surprising to me. In my personal experience, the responses go one of two ways:

The first and most common reaction go something like this: Good, thanks. – Simple and quick.

The other reaction I also find common is: I did this and this today, I’ve been really busy. – Thinking I asked them what they did today or what they are currently doing, not realizing that I just asked how they are feeling.

Nowadays, a lot of conversations are unfortunately in the form of texting, and social media has taken over to show off to the world how crappy or happy we are, therefore, many won’t ask how others are truly feeling, they think they can see and understand it all through technology. OR, we are wrapped up in our own lives that we don’t take the time to ask others how THEY are feeling (I’ve been there!), OR maybe we feel as though expressing our feelings is a sign of weakness or burdensome to others (It’s really not). Either way, the question, “How are you?” is often used in passing, yet not being taken serious enough, in my opinion.

DON’T BE AFRAID TO PICK UP THE PHONE AND ASK SOMEONE HOW THEY ARE DOING.

The reason why I say this is because, as someone who lives with a mental health condition and has faced many difficult times, including the feeling of being completely alone – I really just needed someone to ask me to how I was doing in a deep way that made me feel as though they genuinely cared. This past week I have experienced a lot of emotional and physical pain. I believe some people could tell. I have voiced my feelings to a few, but not one person has genuinely asked me how I was doing…until today. My sister. Gahh – I love her sweet heart. She must have sensed something all the way from Texas because out of the blue I received a message asking me if I’m okay. It immediately put a smile on my face. (Thank you, sis!)

A couple weeks ago about 300 people were laid off from our company due to closed facilities. It was a difficult time for everyone was affected by it. One of the gentlemen that were given an end date with the company sat near me and although we were not close I still wanted to ensure he was okay. I went into his office and asked him how he was doing. His response went something like this, Oh you know – trying to get my tasks done today, I’m swamped.

I responded with, “Okay, let me ask again. HOW ARE YOU? Are you doing okay?”

The look on his face was a look of shock as though he had never heard the question before. He sat back in his chair and said, “I’m stressed out. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I have options, but I need to think about which option I will take. It’s sad. Thank you so much for asking.” I sensed appreciation in his tone after our heartfelt conversation.

You see, when someone you know is in a hospital bed bleeding or with other signs of a visible injury or illness, people will run to their bedside in panic or worry asking with sincerity if they are okay. What about our invisible illnesses?

Last year, my mentee was admitted to the psychiatric hospital for self-harm. She was 15 years old. I had spent many days with her, picking her up from school, having her over for sleepovers and movie nights, and enjoyed weekends exploring and going to the movies. She was such a bright young girl, and I loved bonding with her. I received a phone call from her mother one evening stating that she was “contemplating” on taking her daughter to the hospital. I immediately advised that she admit her or I would. She needed help and was apparently suffering. I asked her mom for the information of which hospital she was admitted to, and her mom responded in shock, “Why?”. I said, “because I am going to visit her. I can meet you there if you’d like?”

The point of my short story is that her mother never showed up to visit. From my understanding, she never even called her. Her daughter was in the hospital for 5 days. When I appeared at the hospital to visit her, this young girl was completely shocked and cried as she grabbed onto me. I asked her why she was crying and she told me, she had never had a visitor before (it wasn’t her first attempt). In fact, most of her roommates hadn’t either. We sat in her room, and I listened to her talk for a couple hours. I gave her the best advice I could about coping skills and reassured her that she wasn’t alone. I learned so much that day, especially the importance of empathy.
Did you know about 8.3 million people have had suicidal thoughts in the past year? It is important to reach out and ask others how they are doing. You could save a life with one simple question and take the time to listen, and when you do, remember this:

THEIR FEELINGS ARE THEIR FEELINGS. THEY MATTER. THEY ARE VALID AND ACCURATE TO THEM. DO NOT DISMISS, DISAGREE OR TELL THEM THEY SHOULDN’T FEEL THE WAY THEY DO.

This is so important to understand. This goes for all circumstances, not just hurting people with a mental illness. For everyone.

I’ll end it with this – How are YOU doing? Respond below or email me if you need someone to talk to. Help is always out there.

-Minds Like Ours, Kayla Fae

100 Things I Learned In Recovery

January 29, 2016 / Minds Like Ours / 5 Comments

Here are 100 things I learned in recovery

My passion for Mental Health
Mental illness doesn’t define us
Self-Reliance
It’s okay to not be okay
There are no good or bad emotions, but there are good and bad ways of expressing emotions.
Resiliency
Self-Compassion is a priority
Self-Awareness is key
Coping skills that best work for me
We don’t owe anyone an explanation for self-care.
Beauty lives in our differences
Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Mindfulness
The more I loved myself – the more I fell in love with my kids
Not to feel guilty for self-care
Patience and understanding for others
Recovery comes first
How to stand up for myself and fight against stigma
Things will always work out – do not give up
We are not broken, weak or worthless
It’s never too late to become the person you want to be
The present moment is all you ever have
Who my true friends are
My story has helped make a difference
Internal vs. external Locus of Control
I found myself more at peace
I am Brave
Courageousness
I’m an introvert and value my alone time
To let go of my past mistakes; they do not define me
I am emotionally intelligent
Gained more self-esteem
Judgments are a confession of character
Happiness is found within
Self-Confidence is the best outfit; fucking own it
Mental Illness is nothing to be ashamed of
Self-love is the most important love
I am a stronger and healthier mother to my two kids
Without the dark and stormy days, we can’t learn to appreciate the good days
The Minds Like Ours are beautiful
Our feelings are valid; don’t justify them or seek approval – they are YOUR feelings.
Our behavior is driven by our emotions
Helping others makes me feel good – we rise by lifting others
Your worth is not defined by someone loving or not loving you
My worst days in recovery are by far better than the best days in my manic episodes
A bad day doesn’t equal a bad life
The words, “Fuck it” do come in handy every once in a while.
You are not a burden
You have to learn to love yourself before you can fully love someone else.
Do not be afraid to walk away from toxic relationships/friendships
Embrace the sadness
It’s okay to be different
Be patient with yourself
Recovery isn’t strictly about being “happy”, it is about learning to become whole.
The bad things people say about you are actually reflections of what they think of themselves, not you.
I am unique
Ultimately it’s only your opinion of yourself that matters. Do what makes YOU happy.
The art of meaningful conversations
Stigma’s three components are: Stereotyping, Prejudice, and Discrimination
EMDR therapy
Step outside your comfort zone – you might actually have fun
You are worth much more than you think
It all starts with willingness
I am a fighter, survivor and a warrior – so are you
Be acutely aware of your thoughts
No, we can’t just fucking “Get over it”
Good things take time
Expect nothing – appreciate everything
How beautiful it is to be alive
How to live less out of habit and more out of intent
We are the directors of our own mindset
Strength
Life’s a bitch sometimes
Mental illness is not a choice, but RECOVERY is
If you make friends with yourself, you will never be alone
I no longer want to compete with anyone but myself – I hope we all make it
Hold on to hope
Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do
How not to lose myself in the process of loving someone else
How to magnify your strengths, not your weaknesses
We can’t fix ourselves by breaking someone else
My appreciation for music
We are exactly where we need to be
BREATHEEEE!
Protect yourself with ADA
How to maintain a balanced life – parenting, career and education
I am emotionally sensitive- my emotions are more intense than the average person and that’s ok
Face your fears – It’s fucking liberating!
Be gentle with yourself
Your time is important – spend it on things you are passionate about
Make time for yourself
The part you play is sacred – you are priceless
How to manage impulsiveness
See the value in our stories
Trust your intuition
Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle; start a conversation
Your speed in recovery doesn’t matter; forward is forward
Life gives you challenges that you can overcome; be strong
Emotional awareness means recognizing, respecting and accepting your feelings as they happen.
How to discover who I truly am; gained a huge sense of self.

Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA)

December 11, 2015 / Minds Like Ours / 3 Comments

I recently concluded my first ground campus course with University of Phoenix in Sacramento, CA this week. It was one of my biggest fears to be in a classroom setting. I faced that fear head on and overcame it almost immediately. It was an awesome and by far the best learning experience for me. I met some fun people, an incredible instructor and learned more than I ever did during online classes.

For those of you who do not know, I am working towards earning my Bachelors degree in Psychology for this is my true passion; mental health. My first course was an elective course and I wasn’t all that thrilled about taking Sociology – Cultural Diversity. I didn’t think I would get anything mental health related out of the course, but let me tell you!!! I learned A LOT about mental health in this class. I was pleasantly surprised. Not only was my first presentation {since high school} on mental health but as someone who has a mental health condition, I gained a lot of insight and resources that will help me tremendously in the workplace and in school.

Not only did I learn about discrimination in the workplace {as I currently am experiencing} but I learned about how to apply for protection with the ADA, not just for work but for school as well. For those of you who do not know about the ADA, or are being discriminated because of your mental health condition, read up. This is helpful.

What is ADA?

Americans with Disability Act also known as ADA, was enacted in 1990 and prohibits discrimination against people with disabilities and guarantees that people with disabilities have the same opportunities as everyone else.

– ADA applies to all employers with 15 or more staff members.

– Requires reasonable accommodation if needed in order to perform essential job functions.

– The ADA is enforced by a federal government agency, the EEOC (US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission).

_____________________________________________________________________________

TO QUALIFY FOR PROTECTION UNDER THE ADA, the law states that you must identify that you have a disability.

What is considered a disability?

ADA defines a disability as a physical or mental impairment which substantially limits a major life activity. This includes having a history or record of such impairment or a person perceived by others as having such an impairment. Some of these activities may include:

– Caring for oneself

– Seeing

– Hearing

– Eating

– Sleeping

– Walking

– Standing

– Concentrating

– Communicating

– And learning

The two most Important things I personally want in my work place are 1. to be treated fairly and given the same opportunities as everyone else and 2. to have flexibility to focus on self care and recovery when needed.

The ADA can give that to every individual with a disability.

If someone has faced discrimination within the last 180 days in their workplace, they can contact the EEOC and file a complaint here.

It took me 7 years to finally complete my Associates Degree in Business, SEVEN. I struggled mentally for years on top of my personal and financial hardships. I wanted to give up so many times, but I LOVE to learn. I was always eager to learn and grow no matter how hard it was for me. I always knew that school shouldn’t have been that difficult for me, but it was and majority of it had to do with my mental health condition. It’s okay to ask for help and protect yourself in situations like this. If only I had known about the ADA and how it could protect me in school- giving me more flexibility and understanding with my assignments, I probably would have graduated a lot sooner.

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!! I will be creating a page on my blog, titled EDUCATION, where I will be sharing anything mental health related based on what I learn in this program. Stay tuned.

“I Jumped Off the Golden Gate Bridge”

December 11, 2015 / Minds Like Ours / Leave a comment

I found this amazing story about a man, named Kevin Hines, that shared his story with mental illness and a suicide attempt. He was one of few survivors to have jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge and lived to tell his story.

I love how he made a point to say he felt like a burden. I don’t think that people who don’t have a mental illness understand that piece of it. Recovery is possible and this man is living proof.

Emotional Neglect

September 20, 2015January 16, 2021 / Minds Like Ours / 2 Comments

“Our children’s behavior is driven by their emotions. So the best way to help our children to behave is to teach them how to manage their feelings.”

This blog couldn’t be more true. I’ll be the first to admit, I often said the things in column one when my kids were little without realizing. It’s common and goes from one generation to the next. End the vicious cycle and make a conscious effort to change for our babies mental health. I have been working on this for a long time now and column two works beautifully on my babies.

I grew up believing that emotions are bad and wrong but they aren’t. Most people are taught to hide their emotions but I think expressing them, man or woman, in a positive way is a sign of strength. We can’t stop our emotions but we can manage them.

As a single mother with BPD, aka emotionally sensitive, I often struggle with managing my own emotions and leading by good example to my two little ones. When I have a tough time emotionally, I often turn to my DBT skills and it has helped tremendously! You can read the entire blog here.

The Three Goals of the Emotionally Attuned Parent:

Your child feels a part of something. He knows he’s not alone. You’re always on his team.
Your child knows that whatever she feels, it’s OK, and it matters to you. She will be held accountable for her behavior, but not for her emotions.
Your child learns how to tolerate, manage, and express his feelings.

Any parent who accomplishes these skills well enough is raising an emotionally healthy child and an emotionally intelligent child. You don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to do it well enough.

WHAT WE ALL SAY	WHAT THE IDEAL PARENT SAYS
Stop Crying	Why are you crying?
Let me know when you’re done with your fit	That’s OK. Get it all out. Then we’ll talk.
Alright, enough! I’m done with this.	Let’s take a break so we can both calm down.
Fix the attitude!	You sound angry or upset. Are you?
You need to think before you act!	How’d this go wrong? Let’s think it through.
Go to your room until you can behave better.	I see you’re angry. Is it because…?
OK, OK, stop crying now so we can go in the store.	Look at me. Take a deep breath. Let’s count to five.
There’s nothing to be nervous about.	Everyone gets nervous. It’s OK.
Don’t talk to me with that tone.	Try saying that again, but nicer so I can hear it.